Part 3: Flexing the Feelings The following week became known as Operation: Soften Brosgaeus. Neva wrote the title on the kitchen whiteboard in aggressive block letters. Jeff drew a smiley face beside it. Neva erased it immediately. Luna simply radiated peaceful sunshine from the dashboard. --- Day 1: Meditation... or Attempted Meditation The group gathered in the garage gym. Jeff sat cross-legged politely. Neva sat cross-armed defiantly. Brosgaeus sat like a confused gorilla

Part 2: Relax, Bro Brosgaeus had never been called "honey" by someone who sounded like warm tea and freshly folded blankets. It hit him like a kettlebell to the soul. Jeff drove. Neva sat in the passenger seat, arms folded, eyeing the dashboard with deep suspicion. Luna spoke again, her voice as gentle as a breeze. "So..." "Could someone catch me up?" "The last thing I remember, I picked up a dumbbell..." "...and now I'm clipped to your air vent." Jeff explained the curse. Th

Zen & the Art of Dumbbell Maintenance Part 1: The Calm Before the Curse The gym was unusually peaceful that morning. No Brosgaeus shouting about "alpha glutes." No Jeff apologizing to exercise equipment. Just quiet music. Morning sunlight. And a woman named Luna. Luna wasn't like anyone who had ever encountered the cursed dumbbell. Where Neva had been steel and precision... Luna was sunshine and soft blankets. Where Brosgaeus was thunder... Luna was one long, contented exhale

Mounting Love: The Dumbbell Strikes Again Part 4: Love Gains & Bluetooth Bonds It had been a month since Neva's unexpected life as a phone mount began. Somehow... The three of them had become a surprisingly functional team. Jeff had his first real date lined up. Brosgaeus could almost talk to women without accidentally conducting a fitness seminar. And Neva... Neva was experiencing something she'd never planned for. Feelings. --- One evening, the three sat parked outside thei

Part 3: Operation Charmageddon Two weeks into Mount Neva's School of Not Being a Disaster, noticeable progress had been made. Jeff had stopped apologizing to inanimate objects. Brosgaeus had reduced his daily "alpha declarations" from seven to three. Progress. "Alright, gentlemen," Neva announced through the car speakers one Friday evening. "Tonight's the night." Jeff immediately started sweating. "...Night?" "Out." "...Out?" "Yes, Jeff." "Outside." "With people." "Preferably

Part 2: Rage Mount Activated Neva spent the first twenty minutes of her new wireless-mounted existence threatening legal action, psychic revenge, and writing a scathing Yelp review of reality itself. "I don't belong here!" she fumed through Jeff's car speakers. "Do you know who I am?" "I was vice president of my college's Fitness Analytics Club!" Brosgaeus leaned back in the passenger seat, casually sipping his protein shake. "Yeah, well..." "I was king of the leg press until

Mounting Love: The Dumbbell Strikes Again Part 1: Ice Queen, Wireless Rage It was leg day. Jeff didn't want to be there. Brosgaeus—now happily back in human form and wearing a gym tank that proudly declared GLUTES BEFORE DUDES—was not accepting excuses. "You said you wanted confidence, Jeff," Brosgaeus said, dramatically tightening his lifting gloves. "Confidence starts in the quads." Jeff stared at the squat rack like it was a haunted house. "...I'm pretty sure confidence st

Part 4: A Lesson in Strength Jeff's fitness journey continued to build momentum. Under Brosgaeus' relentless coaching, he was changing—not just physically, but mentally as well. He had learned discipline. He had learned consistency. He had learned that getting stronger wasn't about finding shortcuts. It was about showing up, day after day, even when he didn't feel like it. And somewhere along the way... Brosgaeus had begun changing too. One evening, after an absolutely brutal

SOLAR SYSTEM HOA Episode Two: The New Girl a short cosmic comedy It had been three days since the barbecue, which meant it had been three days since anyone had brought up the chicken incident, the comet, or whatever Uranus still wasn't saying — a personal record for the neighborhood. That ended around two in the afternoon, when something new drifted into the cul-de-sac. ✦ ✦ ✦ Arrival Nobody saw her coming, exactly. One minute the street was empty. The next, there was a planet

GALACTIC HOA Episode Two: The Boy Who Cried Supernova a short cosmic comedy There is, in every neighborhood, one resident who has been about to do something dramatic for so long that nobody quite believes it anymore. In the Local Group, that resident was Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse was not, strictly speaking, a member of the Local Group HOA. Betelgeuse was a single red supergiant star sitting in the Milky Way's own shoulder, a relatively short eight hundred or so light-years away

A sample of a book that will be released soon. It is about a librarian who wants to read every book, so she becomes a vampire.

Part 3: The Giraffe and the Gains Over the next few weeks, Jeff's life settled into a whole new rhythm. Every morning began the same way: slipping into a giant giraffe costume. Yes, he was that guy—the one dressed as Geoffrey the Giraffe at the local Toys R Us. The kids adored him, and honestly, it wasn't the worst job in the world... even if the costume felt like a portable sauna. But it was after work that the real transformation began. Every evening, Jeff headed to the gym

Part 2: Wireless Wisdom Brosgaeus was in full-on panic mode. He had no idea how to break this absurd curse, and the thought of spending the rest of his existence as a phone mount was horrifying. Worse, he couldn't even yell at Jeff to put down the tiny dumbbells and pick up some real weight. As they cruised down the highway, Jeff hummed happily along with the music playing through the car radio. Brosgaeus, however, was fuming. I can't believe this is happening to me. Of all t

Part 1: The Curse of the Dumbbell Brosgaeus was the kind of guy everyone in the gym noticed. Standing six feet tall with muscles that looked like they had muscles, he was a walking advertisement for protein powder and intense workouts. He firmly believed mirrors existed for two reasons: to check your form and to admire his. But while Brosgaeus had the physique of a champion, he lacked one crucial thing: kindness. Every day, he'd strut into the gym, sneering at anyone who wasn