Part 3: Operation Charmageddon

Part 3: Operation Charmageddon

Two weeks into Mount Neva's School of Not Being a Disaster, noticeable progress had been made.

Jeff had stopped apologizing to inanimate objects.

Brosgaeus had reduced his daily "alpha declarations" from seven to three.

Progress.

"Alright, gentlemen," Neva announced through the car speakers one Friday evening.

"Tonight's the night."

Jeff immediately started sweating.

"...Night?"

"Out."

"...Out?"

"Yes, Jeff."

"Outside."

"With people."

"Preferably women."

"You do not get dates by bench pressing alone in your garage while giving motivational speeches to your own reflection."

Jeff looked offended.

"...It motivates me."

Brosgaeus cracked his knuckles dramatically.

"Excellent."

"Release the alpha."

"You are not an alpha," Neva replied instantly.

"You're a man-shaped protein shake with Wi-Fi."

"But..."

"If you follow my instructions..."

"...you might eventually become dateable."

---

She had chosen the location herself.

A trendy smoothie bar and lounge.

Low lighting.

Live acoustic covers.

Avocado toast.

Peak millennial courtship habitat.

---

Phase One: Don't Be Weird

Neva coached from the dashboard like a Mission: Impossible handler.

"Jeff."

"Shoulders back."

"No fidgeting."

"Breathe."

"Brosgaeus..."

"No quoting Fight Club."

"I swear to everything sacred."

Jeff glanced toward the counter.

A woman looked over.

She smiled.

Neva immediately whispered,

"Go."

Jeff froze.

"Now."

"I..."

"Jeff."

"Go."

He walked over.

"...Hi."

"I'm Jeff."

The woman smiled.

"Hi."

Jeff took a breath.

"I like your glasses."

She looked pleasantly surprised.

"They make you look..."

He paused.

"...knowledge-having."

There was a beat.

Then she laughed.

"Thanks."

"I mostly use them for seeing."

Jeff laughed too.

Back in the parking lot...

Neva stared in stunned silence.

"...Did he just succeed?"

Brosgaeus folded his arms.

"Beginner's luck."

---

Phase Two: Rein in the Rizz

Meanwhile...

Brosgaeus leaned against the counter with enough confidence to violate several building codes.

"Hey."

The woman beside him looked up from her turmeric latte.

"You work out."

She blinked.

"...Why do you say that?"

"Your aura radiates metabolic efficiency."

A horrified silence filled the car speakers.

"BROSGAEUS."

"That is not flirting!"

"That is bioanalysis!"

He frowned.

"You told me to ask questions."

"I told you to ask about her!"

"...Fine."

He turned back toward the woman.

"So..."

"What's your one-rep max?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"...On what?"

Brosgaeus watched her walk away.

He sighed.

"...Conversation, apparently."

Neva groaned.

"We're making flashcards."

---

Phase Three: The Unexpected Turn

A little while later...

Jeff practically floated back to the car.

He climbed into the driver's seat wearing the biggest smile Neva had ever heard.

"I think..."

"...she wants to go for a walk next week."

He sounded like he'd just won an Olympic medal in Social Interaction.

The dashboard stayed quiet.

"...Neva?"

A moment passed.

"Oh."

"...Yeah."

"That's..."

"That's really great, Jeff."

"I'm happy for you."

Her voice was quieter than usual.

Warmer.

Jeff smiled.

"I couldn't have done it without you."

Brosgaeus snorted.

"Please."

"I spent twenty minutes embarrassing myself."

"I basically cleared the field."

"You just rode in on my failures."

Neva ignored him.

"Anyway."

"We still have work to do."

"Brosgaeus..."

"We're reviewing basic human decency tomorrow."

"Again."

He sighed dramatically.

"Jeff."

"We're moving on to advanced conversations."

Jeff laughed.

"You're kind of intense when you coach."

There was a pause.

"...Do you not like it?"

Jeff glanced toward the dashboard.

"No."

"I think it's..."

"...kind of cute."

The speakers emitted a sharp—

BZZZT.

The radio flickered.

Static crackled.

"I..."

"Wha..."

"You..."

"...Eyes on the road."

"Drive."

Jeff smiled to himself.

"Yes, ma'am."

The engine started.

He pulled out of the parking lot, humming happily.

Neva remained suspiciously quiet for the entire drive home.

---

To be continued...